Jokes & Puns   Smile, you have found the Wayback Times' jokes and puns page.   Mostly borrowed, seldom blue, but all with an antiques and collectibles theme. If you want to add to our humour library e-mail the

Ad Rates / Articles / Classified Ads / Editorial / Home / Links / Showtime   A collection of jokes, riddles and puns Mostly borrowed, rarely blue     The horse auction A father and son are at a horse auction one summer's day. The son watches intently as his father examines the teeth of a horse to be auctioned, pats its head and looks into its eyes. "What are you doin' dad?" the boy asks. "Just looking her over before making a bid to buy her," says the dad. "Hey, dad," the boy says, "I think the mailman wants to buy mom."     Antiques After a wealthy, veteran collector of fine antiques died leaving a multi-million dollar estate, his relatives gathered for the reading of his will.   "To my loving wife, Audrey, who stood by me in good times and in bad, I leave the house, antique paintings, furniture and $5 million," read the lawyer.   "To my loving daughter, Ruth, who cared for me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the silver collection and $2 million."   And, in conclusion: "To my son, James, a good-for-nothing leech who thought I would never mention him in my will: Hello James."     That's no hubby The box lot being auctioned contained a collection of girly magazines. When the bidding ended at $47.50, a man in the crowd raised his bid card, which read 112. Later in the sale, a woman shows her bid number after buying an item and it was 112. "Is that man your husband?" asked the auctioneer, wanting to verify her number. "He was, before he bought those girly magazines," she snapped.     The Wallet Bidding at a local auction is interrupted when the auctioneer's clerk hands him a note. "A gentleman has lost a wallet containing $5,000 in cash," says the auctioneer. "If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $1,000." There is a moment's silence, then someone in the crowd shouts: "One thousand five hundred!"     Say what? Everyone knows auctions speak louder than words - because of auction-ears. And it's still the one place where you can still get something for nodding. But of course you do have to stay to the bidder end.     Definitions: Auctioneer: A person who looks forbidding   Morbid: When someone's bid is higher than yours.     Quiz What knowledge do you need to be an auctioneer? Lots.   Where were the pigs auctioned? In the porking lot.   Heard a good one? E-mail it to the webmaster      Return to top of page   webmaster